i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
