So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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