We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
