i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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