It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
