Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
