did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize