Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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