I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
