btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
