I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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