So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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