You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
