Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
