I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
