Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
