it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
