Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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