your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
