I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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