So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
