life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize