I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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