Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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