Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
