you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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