I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
