"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
