After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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