i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
