Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
