The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
