But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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