His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
