Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
