i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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