She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
