DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
