You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
