How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
