i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The Olympian is in my bed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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