69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
