So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I want to fling myself into the sun
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
