Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
