I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
