I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
