proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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