Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
