i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
