this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
