If i come over, it means nothing
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize