I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
