this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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