he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
