My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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