I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
