Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
