so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
