i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
