How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize