and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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