hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
