Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
