my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
