I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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