I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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