I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
