My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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