His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
