WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish you could order shots online.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
