I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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