my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize