It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
