im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
