I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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