Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
