when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
