i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
