Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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