Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
