I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
