he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
