If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
