at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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