smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
