woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
