mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize