I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
