you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
