I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
