I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
