I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize