she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
