I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
