i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
