watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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