from now on my penis is your penis
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just invented taco cereal.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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