OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
