Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
