it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
