Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
