I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
