If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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