i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
