i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
