what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
