My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
