Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
